Billiard Ball Christmas Ornaments
It’s been a year since I last posted to this blog. Although I have been busy with other projects, I can always count on the season of Christmas to arouse the tackiness in me.
To see the latest in Christmas Seasonal Tacky, check out the Christmas page at Julie’s Tacky Treasures.
Pilgrim Leprechaun Santa Claus Mouse , purchased at a yard sale in Silver Spring, Maryland, December 2012
I found this little critter on a table of used Christmas decorations at a recent yard sale. The more I look at it, the more I wonder if it really is a Christmas ornament. It looks like a mouse that’s a cross between a Pilgrim, a leprechaun, and Santa Claus. That’s three holidays in one! It’s kind of strange … the face looks like it was transplanted from a human head to a mouse’s body. And is that an obscene gesture he’s making with his right hand? It’s like he’s trying to say, “Have a Merry Effing Christmas, Thanksgiving, and St. Patrick’s Day!” I’m struggling to come up with a name for this guy. “Pilgrim Leprechaun Santa Claus Mouse” seems a bit long. If you have any suggestions, contact me.
Jesus on a Motorcycle, purchased on eBay October 2012
What would Jesus ride? This figure of Jesus on a motorcycle, called “I Am Freedom,” answers that question. Jesus rides a chopper, although I can’t tell if it’s a Harley-Davidson or not. From a motorcycle safety point of view, Jesus brings us both good news and bad news. While I’m glad to see Him wearing jeans to protect his legs and sturdy boots instead of sandals, He is a little disappointing in the head protection department. I don’t think a crown of thorns is an adequate substitute for a helmet. Maybe He lives in a state without a helmet law, but I would have thought He’d set a better example for other riders than that. But His message of freedom is well-taken. Ride on, brother Jesus!
Butt cheek salt and pepper shakers with faces, purchased September 2012 in Taylor’s Antique Mall, Ellicott City, Maryland
These are tacky, but a bit more tasteful than the last set of salt and pepper shakers that I posted here. Maybe it’s the kitschy faces painted on each cheek.
Only a day after posting the butt cheek salt and pepper shakers to this blog, Bob and I decided to go to Ellicott City in search of more tacky treasures. We must have gone to the same store that Angela did, because when we brought these to the cash register, here’s what happened:
Cashier: Hey, we had a set of butt cheek salt and pepper shakers a while back, but we sold them. They were souvenirs from Rehoboth Beach.
Me: I know! I have them!
Cashier: [puzzled look, then laughter]
Bob deserves credit for this find. He’s got a good eye for tacky treasures.
Butt cheek salt and pepper shakers, gift of Angela Botzer, August 2012
What’s thong with this picture? This set of salt and pepper shakers with the removable butt cheeks is a souvenir of Rehoboth Beach. Maybe it’s supposed to remind you of the sandy beach where you spent your vacation. It might also remind you of all the inconvenient places on your body where you might find some of that sand. Why anyone would want to remember that, I don’t know.
The cheeks don’t say which is the salt and which is the pepper, so before you ask, the salt goes into whatever shaker has more holes.
>> More Salt and Pepper Shakers I’ll Never Use
Toaster salt and pepper shakers, acquired on eBay, August 2012
This set is in the form of a toaster, with two slices of bread acting as the shakers. The front of the toaster says, “Give us this Day our Daily Bread.” As often happens, I found this on eBay with a search that was intended to find something else. Fifth place in this year’s Tacky Treasures Road Show was a prayer toaster, entered by John and Ellen Schwab. Instead of salt and pepper shakers in the toaster, there were multiple cardboard prayers that popped up. That’s the object I was trying to find for my collection when this gem came up. Either way, the idea of a prayer toaster is a nice thought, although a bit kitschy.
Nude lady salt and pepper shakers
Gift of Pat Gill
This is a category that started before I had this blog. Just to be sure you don’t miss all the fabulously tacky salt and pepper shakers in my possession, here’s a link to the original page: http://www.tackytreasures.com/topics/snp.html
Imagine needing a wheelbarrow to carry your, ahem, attributes around with you.
Gnome with a wheelbarrow, hand-painted plaster, seen in the home of a fellow gardener who shall remain nameless.
I’ve filed these under Mugs I’ll Never Use. Just handling them as they were intended makes me feel kind of sleazy. I’d like to think that by purchasing them and bringing them into my home, I’ve rescued them from the grabby hands of some dirty old man.
Pair of naked lady mugs, acquired in April 2012 at the antique mall in Ellicott City, Maryland.
Skating Bartender, purchased at the Civitan garage sale, Arlington, Virginia, in June 2012
“Brighten up your bar with this clever bartender.” It’s a “no spill no fuss bar valet!” Pretty sweeping claims for a rickety little plastic coaster on wheels, but that’s the nature of marketing in the world of cheap-ass novelty items. The instructions tell you to wind it up, put your drink on the skating bartender, and point it toward your guests. Let the fun begin! Or, as the packaging suggests, “add fun to your guests’ drinking.” I know that they guarantee that skating bartender won’t go over the edge, but I ask you, is it worth the risk? I won’t take chances like that with my alcohol, and I won’t with my guests’ either!
The little flag saying “Cheers!” is a nice touch, however. It even has “Lachaim” on the reverse side. I don’t know if this is a proper transliteration of the Yiddish expression meaning “to life,” but I feel compelled to refer those who care to the Library of Congress.
This is another one of those products that promise to change a dull party into a laugh riot. (Remember Stop-Ice, Mermaid Picks, and Naughty Dog?) If that’s all that it takes to improve a party, then there most be a lot of really dull parties going on. Or maybe this product is another one that needs to be referred to the Department of Overstated Claims.