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Outdoor Tacky Treasures Road Show 2021

Intro - People's Choice - Also Rans - More Photos

Introduction

On October 23, 2021, I held the first Outdoor Tacky Treasures Road Show. Due to the pandemic, and the size of my back yard, the invitation list was limited. Although there were only eight entries, all of them were bona fide tacky treasures. The enthusiasm of the audience was gratifying to both myself and those who entered the competition.

I hosted the road show dressed as a zebra, in honor of the escaped zebras who are on the run in Maryland. Unfortunately, the story has turned tragic due to the death of one of the zebras. I wore the costume to honor their desire to be free, and not be captive in a place that is not native to them. To that end, I asked Karen Collins to sing "Don't Fence Me In" while I did an interpretive dance. You can view a video of this performance here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o86zX68wy4

No judges were selected for this year's show. Awards were given by popular vote of the audience.

Special thanks to:

• Karen Collins, a real country musician who sang so I didn't have to;
• Abbie Grotke for taking a video of my performance;
• Bob Cantor, my husband, who has always been a helpful and willing participant in my creative antics;
• and anyone who took photos and videos while I was too distracted to do it myself.

Key to the photographers' codes on the photos: BC = Bob Cantor; DM = Denis Malloy; EE = Ed Engel; FF = Fred Feinstein; JM = Julie Mangin; LR = Liz Roll.

Peoples Choice Awards

First Place: "Wings of Desire" Col. Sanders KFC Throw Blanket

One of the tackiest Mother's Day promotions I've ever heard of was KFC's 2017 campaign, which included a romance novella starring Col. Sanders as a lusty sailor who sweeps a woman off her feet. There may be more to the plot than this, I don't know. I was unable to locate a hard copy of the book, which was said to have a print run of only 100. The ebook, distributed by Amazon, is no longer available. So, no word on whether the phrase "finger-licking good" appears anywhere in the text.

However, while searching the internet, I found this throw blanket with the image of the book cover. I have so many questions. Why is Col. Sanders missing his sleeves, and when did he have time to work out while cooking (eating) all that chicken? If the book is called "Wings of Desire," why is the woman holding a drumstick? And what romance novel has ever featured the woman's purse, complete with her keys hanging out of it?

Here's a link to the book trailer. Col. Sanders doesn't appear in it, but an excerpt is read by a guy who looks like Jesus with six-pack abs. FYI, "Tender Wings of Desire" is the actual title of the book. The word "Tender" was cut off when they made the blanket. It's just another layer of tackiness.

Book trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84THNyOzkI8

Postcript: Earlier, I said that the above was one of the tackiest Mother's Day promotions I'd ever heard of. Then I saw this:

Chickendales:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKFZJU7bvaw

 

Second Place: Toilet Timer

A five-minute hourglass was never so funny. Check out the video below. To paraphrase a soap opera tagline: "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the poops of our lives."

Toilet Timer in action:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noTl5uf87rQ

Third Place: Oil painting, "The Centaur Will Not Hold"

You might say that this one belongs in the Museum of Bad Art, but it's in good hands with Ed Engel. He has a good eye for bad art in thrift stores and flea markets.

Ed's title for the painting -- "The Centaur Will Not Hold" -- is much better than the one the artist gave it: "He's Giving Her the old one-two, and she's thinking About it." It doesn't make sense, but then does a naked woman sitting on a centaur's back? One has to wonder, given the anatomical differences, what future this romance has. Probably as good as Col. Sanders and the chicken drumstick lady.

Fourth Place: The King and Queen of the Liliputians with a Baby Jaguar

This original oil painting is the work of Bob Cantor, my husband. It was inspired by a visit to the Shelburne Museum in Vermont (which has a circus exhibit) and the political turmoil of the past few years (you know what I'm talking about). Bob entered it into a show at the Hill Center Gallery on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. They liked it so much, they kept it for nearly two years. Okay, the pandemic shutdown might have accounted for some of that time. But still, I think it was quite an honor for it to be on display for so long, even if no one saw it for about 18 months.

Bob says, "It's for sale -- make me an offer!"

See more of Bob's art:
http://bobcantor.com/

Fifth Place: Doll Head Mold Candle Holder

Liz has a thing about doll heads. Not only did she also enter a bald-headed nun doll in the road show, but she entered this Baby Doll Head Lamp in the 2014 Tacky Treasures Road Show.

I think they're more creepy than tacky. But I can't discount the will of the people.

The Also Rans

Music to Strip By entered by Ed Engel (BC) "Party fun songs from the Golden Age of Burlesque," promises the album cover. This album was probably recorded in the 1950s, before the Golden Age of Home Video. It just shows how important having a good imagination was back in those days. Ed confessed to not having listened to the album. I think he just liked the cover. Maybe this didn't place in the contest, but if the Queen of Tacky already owns one, it counts for something.

Julie discovers a copy in her own record collection (EE) Well, this was embarrassing, but isn't that what the road show is all about? Bob insisted that I owned a copy of the album, and I disagreed. If we were still having the show at the train station, this would never have happened. Bob went into the house and located our copy. I don't remember buying it. As you can see by the photo above, in addition to looking like a zebra, I was rather sheepish as well.

Bald Nun with Hook in Head entered by Liz Roll (EE)

Shaun Cassidy charm bracelet entered by Ellen Walsh (BC)

But wait! There's More!
Audience in the backyard (BC)	Audience in the backyard (BC)
Halfway through the show, it rained. Thank goodness the attendance was limited, because almost all of the audience fit under the patio roof. The forecast was for 8% precipitation at the time of the show. I guess it wasn't our lucky day. But the show went on!
Audience during rain shower (BC)	Audience during rain shower (BC)
Not only did the rains come, but it got a bit breezy as well. After everyone left, and we were cleaning up, this happened. The index cards were used as registration forms for the show as well as ballots. I couldn't have put together this report without them.	Bob and the cards (JM)
Star-struck fan of the Zebra Queen of Tacky (DM) Who doesn't love a zebra? But don't treat them like trophies. Let them live in the Serengeti where they belong.	Banana taped to house (EE) I taped a banana to my wall in homage to Maurizio Cattelan's work called "Comedian." He is also known for making a solid gold toilet. I feel we are kindred spirits. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comedian_(artwork)
That's all, folks! Zebras love a good audience! (BC)