>> Back to Tacky Topics >> Tacky Treasures Road Show

Tacky Treasures Road Show 2003

The 2003 Tacky Treasures Road Show was held on the Sunday of the Memorial Day weekend. Partygoers were encouraged to bring in their tackiest things for appraisal and possible prizes.

Let's start with dessert...the tackyiest one I've seen in a while. Before the "show" part of the Tacky Treasures Road Show, we had a potluck dinner. I must say, as beautiful as this dessert was, most of it was left uneaten. Was it a sign of aesthetic appreciation, or just good nutrition, to avoid this dessert? Jumahl and Lynda brought the dish made of Hostess Snowballs with a parasol on top. Miss Abigail added color with marshmallow peeps.

Here's another popular trend gone too far...the country craft style. What were they thinking, joining two pigs at the ass with a heart? I don't want to know. This bestial display was donated to the museum by Barbara Shine and Bob Lindsay.

These kitty goggles came in handy at the Kinetic Sculpture Race in April 2003. They were purchased at Hampden Junque, in the Hampden area of Baltimore.

And the winner is...

...the "Butt Snuffer," a charming little ash tray in the shape of a chamber pot, with a porcelain ass pointed skyward inside. Congratulations, Ann Porcella, you found a winner!

Not pictured, but worth mentioning

• The Peter Meter, contributed by my brother Frank, which was a ruler that he bought at a truck stop. The scale went from from "just a waterspout" and "should have been a girl" to "Home Wrecker Size" and "WOW!" What COULD they be talking about?
• The tacky dessert brought to mind a story told to me by Chris Romaine, who swears that he once went to a pot luck supper, and someone brought a dish called a "Bolinkie." It consisted of a plate of Twinkies, each of them wrapped in a slice of bologna, held in place with a long toothpick which had an olive on the top. Some day, I will make this dish, and picture it in the Tacky Treasures. I'll even eat it, and perhaps wash it down with a Hawk Shot.
• A few excerpts were read from Found Magazine. In this example, someone had found some abandoned course evaluation forms with the following amazing feedback:
  • THE COURSE: "I cannot remember anything about the course, any more than I could recall the most boring moments of my life. The educational value was so phenomenally low that my frustration grew into hatred for her, and then it became more widespread, affecting my family and friends, and possibly people I have never met before, until I finally reached the point where I hated myself for being there"
  • CLASSROOM DYNAMICS: "At times, it seemed that if someone were to begin speaking in tongues, we all would have nodded and pretended that it was an insightful comment, just because someone had actually SAID something."
  • ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: "A note about the cats: the litterbox was in the bathroom. It contained, well, cat shit, one of the most repulsive substances known to the human race. If the instructor hadn't wanted us in the bathroom, she could have selected a less unpleasant method of signaling it."
  • INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION: "When her twenty-five pound cat clawed me in the genitals."