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Tacky Treasures Road Show 2006

The 2006 Tacky Treasures Road Show was held on the June 24, 2006. Attendees were encouraged to bring in their tackiest things for appraisal and possible prizes. Four prizes were awarded for the tackiest treasures.

This was a very special Road Show because it featured the debut performance by Carolee Rand of a song we wrote together: "The Cluck Stops Here: the Ballad of Mike the Headless Chicken." I knew that Carolee would treat my lyrics with the sensitivity necessary to convey the underlying social ramifications of displaying a headless chicken to the American public. This is a song about the triumph of a brave chicken over adversity. There's a message for all us in there somewhere. I learned of Mike the Headless Chicken from a recent visit to Fruita, Colorado. When I asked about the annual festival they hold in his honor, a local resident shrugged and said, "Everybody needs something to celebrate. There's nothing else going on around here."

More information about "Miracle Mike" can be found at: http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/.

This year's entries featured items that give proof to our society's obsession with religion, nudity, and bathroom habits. Or maybe it's just the people that I hang around with. In either case, there were some fine examples of tackiness this year. The four prize winning entries are listed to the left. I would be remiss in not mentioning the other entries, which included ice cube trays in the form of naked women, a pair of ceramic air fresheners shaped like pigs sitting on toilets, a Smoky Joe ash tray (a fireman with a hose, which, when you blow smoke into it, the smoke comes out of his mouth), an elephant in a tutu Christmas ornament, a Coca-Cola commemorative belt buckle with a topless woman's torso, a squirt gun shaped like a mermaid, and two examples of pickled foods that no one tried. The liquid that the pickled hard-boiled eggs were floating in reminded me of antifreeze. There's a reason you only see food like that in bars...you'd have to be drunk.

You may notice that I won first prize in my own contest. Let me assure you that I won fair and square based on the impartiality of two judges who picked the top four entries. The placement of the four entries was then determined by crowd reaction. The religious fervor stirred up by the Scary Hand of Jesus was just too much for the competition.

The prizes for the four entries were purchased at the New Seoul Department Store in Annandale, Virginia. By a strange coincidence, an article mentioning the store was published in the Washington Post the day after the road show. It just shows how ahead of the curve I am. Among the prizes was an ash tray in the shape of a pile of poop, with a little glow worm in the bottom of it. I have not yet figured out the cultural significance of this imagery.

I thank all who attended the Tacky Treasures Road Show, without whom none of this would be necessary.