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Mugs I'll Never Use

Here are some particularly ugly mugs I've acquired in my travels.

Bottoms Up Mug - What a lovely mug this is! I can't imagine what kind of person would get any sort of titillation out of a mug that has a person's rear end swinging from a metal hinge. >> more

Udder Mug - Words udderly fail me here, and that's not a common occurrence. I can't even call it a four-legged mug, because, well, the mug isn't being supported by legs. >> more

Tops Up Mug - This must be a follow-up to the "Bottoms Up" mug featured earlier in this presentation. I call it "Tops Up." >> more

Snot a Mug - The main thing to remember is that the nostrils on this pot are open, so it's not a mug. Really. It's actually an egg separator. It's not a mug. Guess where the egg whites come out? >> more

Two Chum Charmers Mug - What the heck does that mean? When I walked up to the counter to pay for this mug, I told the man behind the counter, "I searched your entire store to find the most tasteless thing you have, and I do believe that I have found it." >> more

Party Mugs - These are party mugs, but probably not the kind you were first thinking of. Political parties used to be more fun, but nowadays...not so much. >> more

Pistol Dawn Club Mug - It’s an old mug, and an even older joke: “Member of the Pistol Club – Drink Till Midnight, Pistol Dawn.” >> more

Beer Gut Mug - Nope, I have no intention of drinking out of this mug. I'm not even sure I want it in my china cabinet. >> more

Toilet Mug - I almost made a cup of tea in it this morning, but couldn't bring myself to drink what I like to call "The Other Brown Drink" out of something that looks like a potty.>> more

Pregnant Mug - This mug has a certain glow about it. It's also the first mug in my collection for which I had the immediate reaction, "I'm not drinking out of that!" >> more

Hawk Shot Mug - What would you do if you were in Moscow in the coldest months of the year? (Cue up the music to "Dr. Zhivago".) This mug, possibly from the 1970s, may hold the answer. >> more

Oktoberfest Beer Stein - This mug seems to embody the true spirit of Oktoberfest, unbridled drunkenness. It depicts a man in lederhosen, still clutching his beer stein, being hauled off by a wrecker. >> more

Went to Pee Beer Mug - This poorly made mug tries too hard to be funny. The one gag "Went to P leave this drink alone" fails because it's meaningless when its owner is actually drinking out of it. >> more

Paradise Beer Mug - This is one of those head-scratching objects that is made even more funny by the inscription on the bottom. You have to wonder about the relationship between Connie and her "darling husband" for this to be considered an appropriate gift. >> more

Myrtle Beach One-Legged Man Mug - This one's icky times two. Or three or four. The leg as a mug handle is pure kitsch. Like I want to grab some strange guy's leg and put it near my mouth. Icky. >> more

Breast Mug - What else can I say about this mug, except that I'm really never going to drink out of this one. >> more

I Got Smashed in Washington, D.C. Mug - Actually, according to the label on the bottom, this mug was smashed in China. >> more

Another Breast Mug - I know what you're thinking. It's another tacky breast mug. I think I have enough already, and yet I couldn't pass this one up for three reasons. >> more