More Treasures
Naughty Dog, The Party’s Entertainer - One look at this little metal dog assuming the position for a poop, and you know he’s going to be “the party’s entertainer,” just like it says on the box.
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Hokie Pokie Sound Machine - This is the worst-designed phonograph record player I have ever seen, and yet as soon as I found out about it, I knew I had to have one.
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Jesus Corkscrew and Bottle Opener - The Jesus Corkscrew and Bottle Opener is a tacky treasure in the same way the Popener is a tacky treasure.
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Tacky German Postcard - I wish I’d had this postcard for last year’s Toilet Week. It would have added an international flair to the event.
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Mosaic Mary Jane Shoe - At a gallery on Ocracoke Island, I purchased this remarkable Mary Jane shoe, adorned with china shards and images of the Madonna. >> more
Ladies' Hammer - Rosie the Riveter called…she wants her arm back!
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His and Hers Birth Control - It's a gag gift, but it doesn't make me gag as much as most do.
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Levitra® Ruler - What better way to promote a drug for erectile dysfunction, than to create a ruler emblazoned with the drug's name?
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Cape Breton Cigarette Lighter - When I think of Cape Breton, I do not think of topless sunbathing. So why would someone make a souvenir of the place that features the torso of a woman wearing nothing but a thong?
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Toilet
Pencil Sharpener - Since I live with a man who has over 500
pencil sharpeners in his collection, I had to ask, "Do you have
any toilet-shaped pencil sharpeners?" The answer is, "Of course."
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Goodbye
Cruel World - Another recurring theme in toilet humor is a
person trying to flush himself down a toilet. This one comes with a
charming little poem. >> more
Toilet
Radio - The speaker is located in the bowl, under the plastic
lid. It made me wonder what might be the most appropriate sound to come
out of it. >> more
Mount
Rushmore Souvenirs - I don't know what's tackier, shaking salt
and pepper out of the tops of two presidents' heads, or lighting a flame
on the Father of Our Country's head. >> more
Donkey
Butt Cigarette Dispenser - Seeing a cigarette coming out of
a donkey's butt should make any smoker reconsider their dirty habit.
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Smoking Elephant Cigarette Dispenser - Maybe this is enough to make a smoker quit. Seeing a cigarette coming out of an elephant’s butt should make anyone reconsider their dirty habit. >> more
Potty
Mouth Lip Gloss - Just another product that makes one ask,
"why would I want to put something like that near my mouth?"
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Chairman
Mao Cigarette Lighter - Not only does this cigarette lighter
feature a picture of Chairman Mao, but when you open it, an electronic
melody plays. Unfortunately, it is an anthem from the Cultural Revolution.
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Preacher Frog - Here’s a stuffed frog who has his own little pulpit and Bible, on a stand lined with astroturf. He’s got googly eyes which remind me of some of the televangelists I’ve seen in action. >> more
Wedding
Plunger - After the toasts at the reception, we pulled this
tacky treasure out of the box, and said in unison, "We took the
plunge!" >> more
Jesus
Night Light - This would be a convenient devotional figure
for someone who had passed out on the floor...not that that ever happens
to me. >> more
Saddam
Hussein Cigarette Lighter - Check out this animated cigarette
lighter made in Vietnam. When you flip the lid, the U.S. fighter jet
unloads a bomb, as Saddam Hussein looks on. >> more
Cat
Butt Towel Holder - This is the one of the more practical
pieces of tackiness I have ever purchased. We tried using a hook for
a while, but the towel kept slipping off. The cat butt towel holder
works every time! >> more
What
Would Jesus Ride? T-Shirt - Apparently Jesus would ride (if
he were so inclined and lived during a time when they existed) a Harley
Davidson motorcycle. >> more
Bustier
Purse -A leather bustier with leopard fur bra cups is tacky
enough. But what about a purse in the shape of one? I think it is exponentially
more tacky. >> more
Cat
Butt Pencil Sharpener - What do you give someone who already
owns in excess of 400 pencil sharpeners? This one meows when you stick
the pencil in. >> more
Anatomically
Correct Frogs - I bought this pair on eBay, which were billed
as "anatomically correct frogs." The unwary might buy them
thinking that frogs come with the same sexual equipment that humans
do. >> more
Skating Bartender - "Brighten up your bar with this clever bartender." It’s a "no spill no fuss bar valet!" Pretty sweeping claims for a rickety little plastic coaster on wheels. >> more
Anatomically
Correct, His-and-Hers Toothbrushes - Looking for the Perfect
Gift for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Saturnalia? I got this tacky gem for
my birthday. >> more
Support
Our Pants Magnetic Ribbon - Throughout our nation, thousands
of pairs of pants are worn for one simple reason: to uphold the decency
of our citizens. Where would we be, decency-wise, if people ran around
with their pants around their ankles, or worse, without any pants at
all? >> more
Japanese
Television Jewelry Box - This is the object in my personal
possession that I would most like to take on "Antiques Road Show." The
cool thing about it is that when you look into the mirrors on the left,
you can see yourself in the TV screen. >> more
Bed
Pan Banjo - A truly versatile instrument, this banjo can play
the blues, old-time, and bluegrass. Better yet, it's handy when you're
in a festival jam session that's too far from the portable toilets.
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Vomitometer
- Here's a fascinating piece of scientific instrumentation: the vomitometer.
Enlarge the picture by clicking on it, and try not to gag. >>
more
Adam
and Eve Bottle Opener and Corkscrew - While Eve might benefit
from the use of a Mark Eden bust developer, let's just say that Adam
needs help in a different direction. >> more
Art
Television - It's hard to imagine who thought this was an appropriate
way to present the work of some of the finest painters of the last couple
of centuries. >> more